#NotAllMillennials

Eh. One person's "romantic" is another person's "obsessive psychotic".

Pillow talk when he finds someone: "Are you sufficiently lubricated to enjoy penetration?"

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This is such a cleaned up, "party story" version of the original article in The Guardian. The dolphin in question pretty much died of a broken heart when people he was used to depending on for companionship (because, you know, he was dolphin-napped from the wild) seemingly abandoned him. It didn't end well for a lot…

Look at him. So smug about all the lives he's destroying. YOU MAKE ME SICK TOM

Exactly, Izzy! This asshole doesn't give a shit about how you have to do other things with your life besides Googling pictures of him shirtless. Jerk.

Yeah I don't even horn on him and that's a panty dropper. He needs to be arrested.

Why not Zoidberg?

So excited to watch this on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!

The real test of the legitimacy of this is to flip it backwards logically. I come from a long line of French Canadian Mennonites and I have a family tree traced back to the 1500s on one side (thank you, bibles!) and to the early 1800s on the other. I'm reasonably certain none of my direct ancestors owned slaves…

This plan only works if he hums "We Are The World" whilst going down on you.

I was trying to think of words to express my feelings but I gave up and decided to let Princess Bubblegum do it for me.

... But really, you guys, isn't James Deen everyone's boyfriend?

That's just uncalled for.

If they were good at tracing information to its source, they wouldn't be Tea Partiers. Information literacy and critical reading skills aren't compatible with astroturf movements.

Take it away, Tommy.

Oh, Tom.....