There was no reason to be an ass to her, but there was no reason to make up total bullshit, either.

He’ll always be the VP.....of our hearts.

Whoa. I mean, I know better than to fuck with Diamond Joe, but I need burn cream for myself after reading that.

“Ted Cruz? An inspiration to every kid in America who worries that he’ll never be able to run for president because nobody likes him. He’s running. And look, I told Barack, if you really, really want to remake the Supreme Court, nominate Cruz. Before you know it, you’ll have eight vacancies.”

I am going to miss this presidential team so very, very much.

I hope there were finger guns. He’s best when he adds in some finger guns.

The Weeknd low-key dying was the best part of this.

*when the media started paying attention to epidemic of police violence,

“...his genitals came flying out of his shorts while trying to beat five seconds.”

That's at least a 7.2. Not sure what the 40 time was.

They don’t need the money or the exposure. Should they be leaping at the chance to spend several days in close quarters with a Stepford wife religious fanatic? Team Olsen twins!

Yeah I don’t get that either. To me, Beyonce as a Black Panther is as credible as Rage Against the Machine as Cuban revolutionaries - i.e. not at all.

The fact that it was barely satire tho.

Well, we already know he’s drinking piss.

15 years ago my friends pranked me really hard that I won the DC shoes monthly giveaway by calling my house and acting like they were from DC. I was suckered really good and got laughed at for weeks. So I wrote DC an email telling them about this story and how I should win it for real and punk those guys right back. I…

I know this doesn’t really have anything to do with the Dem debate tonight. But, I happened across this while reading this article, and was just too good to not share.

I just want to know what the hell is going on and make sure they’re not trying to give him special treatment because he was in law enforcement.