Real talk, how well do you think a team of 31 actual horses pulling a buggy could drift?

I play the Forza Horizon games almost entirely so I can drive weird, average cars to their absolute limits.

This sounds like it’s primed for a catastrophic, wildly expensive failure.

Okay boomer.

Okay Grandpa Elon, let’s get you to bed.

We know, Torch. We know.

Look, Michael Bay has to get erections somehow and the little blue pills just don’t cut it anymore.

Look, Michael Bay has to get erections somehow and the little blue pills just don’t cut it anymore.

Elon does give me cannibal serial killer vibes, so this checks out.

Look those seams are really complicated to make that bag have proper integrity. I’m sure it took decades of engineering to get that right, and Emperor Elon is doing his best.

Yeah but he doesn’t actually know anything about design and engineering. He’s always paid other people to do those things.

We do, in fact, all remember the pedo guy comments.

Me too, Elon, but I imagine I could tolerate it a lot more for millions of dollars in annual compensation.

I frequently have moments of dissociation at work where I’m just staring at my computer thinking “What the fuck am I doing with my life?”

It’s just so damn boring. There’s absolutely nothing noteworthy about this car, and it’s high mileage to boot.

Remember when small pickup trucks were actually small?

By your reasoning, I shouldn’t buy pants either, because they’re a depreciating asset.

Same man. I used to live in the downtown area of my midwestern city,and it was fantastic to be able to walk everywhere. But we definitely couldn’t afford to buy a house there.

Buying a car, period, is a bad idea? Okay guess I’ll just walk to work.