“So even when my dog is barking out of fear and cowering behind us...”

“I only let my dog say hi if we are going the opposite direction as other dogs, and only some of the time if the other dog has a similar puppy-like reaction and wants to say hi.”

“He will do a weird pawing motion with both front paws kinda standing lunging even though his 85lb frame is tightening his choke chain”

“... but she likes to be the alpha and makes sure they know.”

I only object because of Goldies.

“It was tough. She tried to kill him a few times. It was months before they could be alone together”

She certainly does not! Have you talked to your vet about potential therapies?

“She’s not friendly.”