I had hookworms as a kid. Tiny, white, wiggly worms that live in your butthole. I saw one sticking out of my poop one day and told my mom, who thought I was just being paranoid and told me to ignore it. Flash forward a few weeks later and it feels like my ass is full of broken glass. I go to take a dump, thinking it…

Finally I get to share my story publicly in a setting where people WANT to hear it!!! In December 2014, I started having really massive stomach cramps. I thought perhaps I had eaten something bad, or was PMSing, but these cramps were constant. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped being able to eat. I couldn’t stand up…

What? Lots of cigar stores have wooden statues out front.

NEVER WASH YOUR FACE WITH HAND SOAP, OH MY GOD, BARRY, THE HUMANITY!!

‘It’ as in the girlfriend? Who are you, Buffalo Bill?

You probably won’t give a shit anyways but some real skincare/hair care advice:

I do have real moisturizer, which, like my conditioner, is a remnant of an ex-girlfriend who used it religiously and would not go a night without it. I tried using it to masturbate once, obviously, but I would not recommend it:

My brother in law does a majority of the laundry in their home, partly because they’re just egalitarian like that and partly because his oldest son’s best friend (age 9) has actually said “laundry is woman’s work” out loud. Because his father apparently said so. My sister and her husband figure they need to model some…

I agree the beeping can be annoying, but it is helpful with things like not fully closing the freezer door. Ice cream that melts and is then refrozen is the worst.

A smart washer is someone who gets someone else to do their laundry for them.

Narcissism for the win this time? Whatever works. Glad to hear the young lady is doing well.

Yeah, she’s a well-adjusted adult now. It took a lot of effort on the part of family and friends to get her out of there - she technically wasn’t in enough “danger” to be removed by the state because except for that police call, she played the perfect parent in front of social services. She was finally convinced to…

She most likely had the pictures done so she’d continue to get sympathy from the outside world. I doubt she cares very much about actually losing her child. I knew a mother like this. She had a personality disorder or two and everything was about her own needs, not the child’s. If her four year old threw a perfectly…

Yeah....

Reading this I could actually hear Nancy Grace rising from her tomb hungrily to cover this story.

And she put up a GoFundMe for her funeral... stating she was a single mother that couldn’t pay for the funeral. Despite being an active duty soldier (Service Group Life Insurance policy for dependents & kids-from her or the child’s father) & separated from her husband..

Uh oh. I accidentally saw an email last night that my cat sent to this photgrapher setting up a special photography session with his wonderful owner NEXT WEEK.

As a nice guy who has been repeatedly friend-zoned by women, don’t you think I deserve to break through the glass ceiling of sexlessness? What am I doing wrong? I’ve read so many books about pick up artistry!

Which one of you broads can punt a football the farthest?

So they found a man apparently hallucinating and established he wasn’t armed. Then they ask the man’s fiancee if there are guns in the house, apparently hear there’s one in a closet and ask her to go and get it. They then stand and watch as she tries to pass it to them, in such a way that the hallucinating man gets…