I wanted the awesome 80's rock grrl look of all of my hair swept up one side of my head and cascading down the other. When I held it up with my hands, it looked RAD. Problem was I had super thick, course hair that did not stay put with hairspray (even the uberpowerful Aquanet).

I don't know. I gave myself home perms all through high school and they looked fine.

One of my well-intentioned relatives gave me a nylon neon jumpsuit consisting of a jacket and pants. I thought it was awesome. The only time I wore it (on the 4th of July), I heard an older girl say, "Well, she's not going to get hit by a car."

I had a jheri curl. I blame Michael Jackson, his family and the fact my mother gave me free reign regarding my appearance during my adolescence.

And the security risk of carrying a pad if you are not actually menstruating is.....?

I really wanted to have turquoise hair in high school. I bought a gorgeous shade of Manic Panic. My natural hair is dark brown and I didn't know I was supposed to bleach it first. So I just dyed the teal right over dark brown.

My mom and I permed my hair 3 times at home over the course of my third grade year.* It never took until the last go-round and I had hair as big as a lion mane. It took until 5th grade for both of us to admit it did not, in fact, look good. I went to my first professional haircut and the stylist said, "Good Christ, I…

I have dark black hair. Long dark black hair. But when I was a teenager I was not happy having long dark black hair. However It's hard to lighten black hair when you don't know what you are doing and silly me I thought you could bleach your hair with actual bleach. So I went to the cupboard and got the javex and…

At one low point in the '80's, asymmetrical haircuts were all the rage. I have pin-straight hair, which would've been perfect for this style, had I gone to a hair stylist who had a clue. No, I went to the local place that was affordable and took you with no appointment - are you seeing where this is going?

The…

My mom and I had matching bowl cuts - I'm sorry, "The Wedge" - from kindergarten until I was allowed to grow my hair out in middle school.*

This is my greatest nightmare - I've been worried about poisoning my dinner guests ever since an teacher of mine told me the terrible tale of the time she stuffed her turkey the night before Thanksgiving...

Of course. What I'm saying is that she was inexperienced and assumed that it would cook in the sauce, which of course it didn't.

Is this a bad time to mention that the frozen Eggplant Parmesian from Trader Joe's is pretty good?

I can certainly understand that kitchen mistake. The worst thing I've ever made was my poor attempt at Bangin' Shrimp. They were supposed to be coated in cornstarch to get the outside a little crispy without having to fry it, but I substituted it with flour instead. What I ended up making was the nastiest smelling…

This is almost as embarrassing as when you serve your friends a huge, expensive, 4-hour, multi-course dinner then invite your all dinner guests to visit your Swarovski crystal vomitorium for a pre-dessert purge and everyone looks at you like they have no idea what you're talking about.

BOY WAS MY FACE RED.

You buried the lede Jia! So I put slices of raw eggplant with jarred tomato sauce and mozzarella!

Y'all, Chrissy Teigen is legit funny. IT ISN'T FUCKING FAIR to be that gorgeous and also fucking hilarious.

Hi! I'm just taking a break from getting my PhD in Economics (Development). Later this weekend, I'll take another break from studying to attend an alumnae brunch for my sorority. I'll get back to being a terrible person now! Enjoy your stereotypes!

The virgin Mary was the immaculate conception in that she was born without original sin, the phrase doesn't mean being knocked up by God. Thus ends my pedantry for the day.

I was in a sorority back in the day, and, boy, am I thankful that it was a normal place with cool girls, reasonable "rules" and little drama (and great food). I made a few of my best friends there and actually enjoy reconnecting with the other girls now.