My mom died of a massive heart attack at 70. My pastor’s dad, who was in his 80s, said, “That’s so young.”

Yeah, I don’t cotton to just banning her from speaking. Hear her out! Argue with her! She’s a tough old broad! She can take it!

I worked at a music mag in the mid-’90s, and the word back then was that she really wanted to get married, but he was still playing the field. Of course, No Doubt hadn’t broken just yet, and Bush was a big act.

His mama is a Harpeth Hall girl, so he comes by it honestly. HH is the fanciest girls’ school in Nashville.

Politics is not where one looks for cutting-edge graphic design. Her logo is pretty swanky compared to most.

Even my old employers in Tennessee, a right-to-work-for-less state, got their asses handed to them for not paying people overtime. They’re so fucked.

My dear mother, God rest her soul, called it the wound that never heals.

Frank Sinatra was tiny. Betty Garrett used to joke about how she didn’t need a stuntman to pick him up in a scene, he only weighed two pounds!

I’m older than that, and I don’t have any lines on my forehead. I’m all about the sunscreen.

Yes, please! Disembark! And why not go full Anna Karenina if you feel so strongly?

Oh, yeah. He’s even tap-dancing on a cracker.

I thought, “But he’s dead!”

Yeah, if you’re talking appropriation, Pat Boone’s yer man. Elvis was his own self.

You are not wrong. Pregnancy is way riskier than a first-trimester abortion.

My Amamah always used to say, “You can go to Hell for lying as well as stealing.”

That was Groucho-worthy, my friend.

Inorite?! You can be a hero all winter!

Inorite?! You can be a hero all winter!

Well, they look just like “Combos.” They were cracker/pretzel hollows filled with a grainy cheez-like substance, and they were disgusting. And made for human consumption.

God, those things were awful. I used to call them doggy treats for people.

That’s good to hear! I used to read Regretsy, and while it was hilarious, it also seemed like a shitshow for people who were actually making nice things and getting lost among all the re-sold Chinese crap and placenta art.