Yes, they become “trips,” rather than “vacations.” when the kids are little. 

I wish I’d known there is no such thing as an enjoyable vacation. The wife and I probably would have done a big trip before trying to have kids, if we’d known how good young kids are at sucking the enjoyment out of everything.

You will lie. You will look into the sweet face of an innocent child and lie your ass off. “They don’t make batteries for that really loud firetruck toy anymore.” “That siren is the police coming to check if all the kids are in bed.” “I’m sending an email to Santa if you don’t stop right now.” You WILL become a filthy…

If the excess is going to waste anyhow, you could always make a trash-panda bloody mary.

This is brilliant, I’m gonna make it a post.

Another tip related syncing communications with your spouse: Gmail ignores characters in an email address between ‘+’ and “@gmail.com”. Combine this feature with filters to create an address that automatically forwards to your spouse. Your spouse can compose emails using the alias as well.

If knowing or trusting your partner enough to discuss bottle schedules before even getting pregnant was a condition, no one would ever have children again. A literal contract is a bit much, but these things do need to be discussed in detail esp from a mom’s point of view. Before children, my relationship was pretty…

Calling this a prenup makes little sense—the most obvious reason being that a prenup literally means prenuptial agreement, which is a contract entered prior to marriage.

BRB, going to trademark Barkenstock Sandals.

I say leave Teddy Roosevelt up there next to the saltine.

Mom, is that you?

Counterpoint: I just filled out a questionnaire about plants and garden design and happily gave my real name and address. I’m very much looking forward to garden-related junk mail to brighten the cold rainy days I can’t actually be in the garden. I was happy they asked about container gardening (no, not interested)…

If an embryo is not implanted in a woman’s uterus, the embryo cannot live. End of story. In no other context do we require a person to give up part of their body to save the life of another person. In this country, we do not require people to donate blood to save another’s life, even if the donor is healthy and able.…

Dodgers fans are idiots; it is known.

My daughter is a gifted pianist. For a couple years when she was learning, she had to make do with an old electronic practice piano that we picked up cheap at USC’s surplus outlet. Its action was really stiff and it was hard on her hands. But it was the best we could do at the time.

How about fuck you? I can not eat or drink for 12 hours the night before, go see the film first thing in the morning when the theater opens at 9, and I’ll still have to pee during the film. Everyone’s bladder is different; there’s no need to be an asshole about it.

No way, suplex that nerd.

Your phrasing of ‘entire babies’ gave me pause, I gotta say. 

I’m at Trader Joe’s so frequently that I’ve joked about getting a TJ’s chest piece- either with Hawaiian flowers like the shirts or old-timey clip art. 

Dumpster fires are actually very consistent and accurate in what they do.