After re-reading that you're totally right. That imagery made me snort laugh too. My mom would love it. Clearly not an English major!

Not a scary story but eerie I guess. My mom’s favorite bird was the hummingbird seconded by the gold finch. We kept her feeders near her hospital window so she could see them during her end days. After she passed away 2.5 years ago those two species have always come to me when I’m super down/life event and everytime…

I have family members that do this at every damn restaurant. They use tissues like it’s simultaneously the first and last time they’ll ever have the chance. It’s so off putting I can’t eat. These are loved ones so I can’t imagine how I’d react to a stranger. I’ve told them to use the damn bathroom but it never stops…

And this.

Ssomething something 2 live crew.

The cigar puff situation has to have the phrase “welcome to earth” at some point but otherwise your plan is flawless.

I like all hot dogs but the Chicago dog was a damm near religious experience. Growing up on the west coast I only heard stories of the fabled dish. When I found out a bar within walking distance of my house was owned by a Chicago native and he ordered all the traditional ingredients to make them I had to try it. I was…

I’m proposing the first annual Kate fyre festival. We’ll all go camping with only the recommended beers, catch fresh fish, eat snacks from the winners in the round off, and on the way home we’ll all have celebratory cheddar chalupas. That’s when the fyre begins. My gf are signed up.

On a camping trip one of my pals brought a portable smoker and we brined the fresh fish in a mixture of orange juice, salt, and rosemary then smoked it with lemon, the rosemary, and butter. I can’t recall why we had those but shit it was good.

In my mid to late 20s I got dumped and was reentering the dating scene. I reconnected with a friend from high school at a Christmas party who was in the same situation and we really hit it off so we decided to take it slow. We dated eachother for a bit but we kept running into people we knew which made it hard to just…

My friend Jenni is one hell of a brewer and she helps out with this organization. You’re probably aware of them but for those who aren’t they are doing cool things.

One year I had a surplus of celery and decided to pickle it in my traditional dill brine which is highly praised. Bad idea. It was so bad that it would deserve a pickle yelling - internet or real life. No one was allowed to try it. This sounds good though. Also, hello fellow Portlander!

When I was a broke college student in homer simpson mode I’d get the spicy nuggets from wendy’s with sweet and sour sauce then go to the McDonalds across the street and get a small cheeseburger with a packet of hot mustard on the side. Those two sauces with the nuggets were harmonious. A quick dip in each sauce and I…

I grew up 20 mins south of Portland and a bunch of the nurseries around the farm had it in those old glass bottle vending machines. When I was a kid in the 90s the workers would mess with and tell me it was bottled water from green river. I was just young enough to believe them and wanted to visit more than anything...…

The Server threw my chicken away
They threw it away
Away from me
The Server threw my chicken away
They threw it away
Away from me

My picks:

I’ve made a mistake like this. My buddy had a prolific horseradish plant and let me take some. He told me go prepare it outside and I only needed vinegar and a food processor. I take it home and it starts raining heavily so I decide to have a bite straight from the root to see if it was really that spicy and if I can…

The obligatory roommate that eats your stuff and puts the container back so when you plan on a meal you think you have something only to find it’s empty. No matter how many times I talked to him about it he never changed. He’s legit one of my best friends so it pissed me off even more.

This line here had me legit snort and almost shoot coffee out my nose, “buy a cake not emblazoned with a rodent logo."

If you’re into running look in to the bend beer chase. It’s not too daunting and is a hell of a lot of fun. Plus beer!