Shift keys are to the lower left and right of your keyboard.

Every time you eat one of these, a vegan comes one step closer to inheriting all your stuff.

And this is why I no longer invite Matt Taibbi fans to parties. It's a rule of thumb that's been serving me very well, up there with "never talk to anyone whose hat has more than two political buttons on it."

MEDIA SHOCKER! LOCAL LAD LEARNS AESTHETICS ARE SUBJECTIVE — SCIENTISTS AND CRITICS REJOICE!

Bored.

I was about to point out that there's a difference between offering political opinions you don't like and "being triggered." But you know… now I'm not so sure that there is?

"An AVClub user was named Final Arbiter of Taste & Justice today, ending God's lengthy search for someone to straighten this country out. Doug Devers will have final say on every known subject, including who should be put to death, what clothes everyone should wear, which movie fight scenes suck, and whether bald men…

Shorter Michael: "Nuh-uh!"

None of which matters, because once again I remind you that the whole point of this thread is to point out that Kid Rock and Ted Nugent are both shit musicians and shit human beings, and that is just not a point you can possibly defeat us on. Objective truth is objective truth. It's as real as admitting you grab…

Also, if there are "far too many government programs," why does social-democratic Scandinavia constantly place far, far above "the greatest country on Earth" in any and all respected surveys of life quality and development?

Michael Gerardi, miwwionaiwe. He owns a mansion and a yacht. Prove it, buddy. Dox yourself for us.

You're the one showing incredible rage and indignation at merely being disagreed with, little hailstone.

Someone should really explain the difference between a "debate" and a "tantrum" to this dude. Lord knows King Stubby The Last isn't going to be able to.

Sigh. So much repression. Dye your hair pink, get plowed, and get over it, kiddo.

Oh, good, I see you've learned the Project Own Flaws Onto Others skill from King Cheetoh as well. That, too, is a handy one. Going now!

You're really not entertaining me enough to keep this lovely conversation going.

I'd like you to go much further, preferably off the nearest cliff, you poor doomed evolutionary hiccup. I suspect the aesthetic pseudocode inside that empty rattling skull goes something like "IF LYRICS(AMURICA) THEN IDIOT(LIKE)."

A little racism there, too, how charming! You're just a bundle of helpfully confirmed conservative stereotypes, sweetie! You're the best false-flag "conservative" sleeper agent the left could ever ask for!

Nancy is kind of a stupid and ineffectual insult to direct at a woman. (Unless, of course, you're comparing me with Bonzo Sr.'s vapid wrinkled mannequin of a wife.) Attempts to demoralize your liberal foe generally, ideally, should not end with them gathering their friends around to laugh out loud at it.

Skulk moar, fascist knuckledragger. I'd be delighted to surprise you first-hand with how many liberals own guns.