His head is like a balloon trying to escape his body

I’m guessing the disgusting rumor is that he’s into scat, right? He’s a powerful dude and they all like being degraded and dominated in the bedroom (or in his case the bathroom.) Like that Senator from Lousiana and his diaper fetish.

came him a dick to his face

Trump is an asshole to women. I don’t understand women who support him because of how awful he is to us.

Take that stick out of your ass Piers. Please and thank you.

Your move, Kris.

Oh, I see. That explains it.

I hope they get married, I have never wanted two people to have a quickie Vegas marriage more in my life!

we still don’t know who Rita Ora is, so plausible

The number of times I’ve forgotten I had drugs on me and got through security easily and didnt remember until I was off the plane is somewhere between 5 and 10.

Meanwhile, I had to endure the most painful and humiliating pre-flight check with a broken knee thanks to a TSA agent that insisted on checking every crack in my body, including taking off my knee brace and LIFTING MY FUCKING LEG.

They have matching shoes!

Wait, she said “opium” for OPM?

Your comment reminds me of something I do at any bar association events. Any time I get a compliment, I say “no, I’m not (insert good adjective here), but (insert either name of partner or the firm of the person I am talking to) is definitely known for (being that aforementioned good adjective). Then I take a long…

I’m a litigator. Sometimes I’ll do oral argument before the Court and think, “shit, that felt like rambling. I bet I sounded so dumb. I must do better next time.” And then I get the transcript back and I’ve spoken eloquently throughout it. Comparatively, I imagine Palin is like “nailed it” after a speech and then…

That is vacationing in the Bahama’s sipping a cocktail underneath a patio umbrella at noon shade.

Instagram star = shade, yes?

(insert “why not both?” gif)