I was chased by an irate flock of geese on a beach in Greece when I was 10. I ended up tripping and launching myself into a rusted barb wire fence that became embedded in my arm and necessitated a big tetanus jab in my ass cheek. Good times.

I was riding my bike on a canal trail several years ago when I heard a noise to my right. I was going at a good clip and glanced to my right to see a little bullet goose head right next to me with one beady dead like inches from my face. It had come up from the canal and was behind me with its wings on either side of…

Her dad *woke up* in a tequila factory

This sums up why I love Martha:

I knew a girl when I was in middle school whose name is Tequila. She told us her dad worked in a tequila factory when she was born. Somehow I don’t think that was actually true.

I’m still tryin’ to make my way past the fact that the child’s name is Hennessy...

I love white kitchens, that is, I like white appliances and a white ceiling, but the walls and floors and counter tops need to be something else. This is too much-

Now I wish I had mooned him.

I didn’t even think about it, I just saw that horsefucker’s name and my finger shot up.

I would have that photo printed large and professionally framed if I were her.

I am jealous that you had such an opportunity. The best I have been able to do is giving the finger to the Trump hotel in DC. I also did while I was running. I didn’t even think about it, I just saw that horsefucker’s name and my finger shot up.

Thank you for your service.

So, she actually went to them and told them, unsolicited, that this was her in the photo. I’m not going to victim blame, especially because I think she has a legitimate case based on how her company handled an employee who expressed vulgar anti-liberal sentiments on social media while being publicly associated with…

Yeah, she needs to be dignified when talking to the President.

I’ve told this story before and forgive me, will tell it to the day I die. I double finger saluted Pence a few weeks after the election as I stood all by my lonesome on a corner waiting for his Motorcade of Assholery to pass me by so I could finish a run. IT FELT SO GOOD. Now I wish I had mooned him. Mother was with…

I understand that most companies have policies that you can be fired for badly representing the company (for example, someone where I work was fired for getting in a bar fight while wearing a company polo shirt). However, unless her shirt has the company logo on it (I can’t read it) no one would have know that she…

I want to send her an edible arrangement or some muffins

I mean, it’s a govt contracting company. Obviously they were going to can her for this.