🙌

Don’t penalize us for having curious minds, NSA!

Oh, I'm with you. I Google/ PubMed EVERYTHING and if I'm ever suspected of a crime I can only hope it's not one I've idly researched in the preceding few months.

She's probably hoping to trade the beads for land. : (

Yep, that’s where my cat likes to hide before bed time, and she will often grab my ankle, so going to bed is an anxiety filled moment.

That’s why I pack all kinds of random shit under there, I tell everyone that it’s because I’m a slob, but really it’s so nobody can fit in there.

As a child, I never dared to look under my bed because I was afraid I would see someone stare back into my eyes. As an adult, I still don’t dare.

“Narcissism is awful, and young people are the worst, but isn’t this 16-year-old girl super hot?”

omg that is the best thing I’ve heard all day. What was she like? Is she also a bird? Was it her being a bird and you being a monkey that kept her from wanting to take your love seriously?

“Hope Hicks” sounds like Trump’s entire campaign strategy.

What happens after 4? What happens after 4? What happens after 4?

I told my grandmother she should have bought a Chanel rather than bringing over her brother from the Old Country. Phooey.

I don’t understand, they’re so ugly.

You’ve probably learned this, but don’t be overly altruistic with your career or more specifically, your employer. A company wouldn’t do the same for you, so there’s no need to let them walk all over you. I’m not saying you should be a dick, but accepting an offer while finishing out other interviews is fair game as…

Well, I’ll be a fat version of Alison. I’ll wear Joe Fresh leggings everywhere :P

I originally thought it said ‘Bowie Jumper’ until I read your post and went back to check. Because I was thinking something like this...

I’ve got real bad allergies and have been on some serious antihistamines before. My head felt heavy, I was groggy and exhausted all the time, and I couldn’t focus on *anything*. How is this a fun drug?!

Now I’m picturing peas in pico de gallo and I want to gag.

I just... don’t murder me....