Ah, good old cross pond communication issues.

You say that, I woke up next to an ex with her shining a torch on my balls.

When I married my ex-wife, I changed my name too - we went double- barreled. She didn't want to lose her name and I didn't want to give up mine.

Ummm... nope there is EVERYTHING wrong with this.

Well, that beats my AWOL flatmate! She sounds quite the companion...

Neither do I I'm afraid. It's just a bit hypocritical methinks.

Oh I don't know, after a few too many, some splinting may come in handy :)

Because she won't be. The queen is married to the Duke of Edinburgh, but we do not have a king.

It is a special occasion and I am in Australia so the sun is well over the yard arm :)

Gawker: Crowdsourced Proofreading

"To pull a prank. You thought you were going on a date with a woman? PENIS"

I wouldn't go calling me a gentleman based on that one example :)

I practically crapped my pants in fear of being laughed at the last time I went to buy them. It didn't help that I'd decided to switch brand and go for the more "luxury" end of the market.

As a 30 year old man with the mental humour of a 12 year old, I thoroughly endorse this idea. Can we get pictures please?

Admittedly not the first thing you want to see when you wake up, but seriously, I picked up a few of my ex's (unused) a number of times thinking they were cartridges for my electronic cigarette. They need to mark those things better...

I'm definitely not a good as you at that, I discovered one a few months back that went out of date in 2007.

Ugh... FFS, I just don't even understand this slut shaming thing.

Yep, my main suspicion was a misplaced fear of judgement if they either admitted to having them or possessed them at all.

Wow, and to think the little old lady at the petrol station congratulated me on being "responsible" in this day and age when my mobile condom fell out of my wallet onto the floor in front of her.

Yep, because a dysfunctional relationship between parents who don't want to be together is the perfect recipe for a healthy, well balanced childhood.