Diagrams, please. I live in Canada and this is relevant.
GetOffOnMyLawn
restingwitchface
Even as a seven-year-old, I was so baffled at the drug lyceums my school would have where they claimed that drug dealers hang around the playground, give kids stickers with acid or LSD on them, and then the kids are hooked on drugs FOREVER! My allowance was $1 a week, I could not afford drugs. That’s just a horrible…
It’s a Michael Palin minus the brain, wit, charm and penis.
Missed opportunity here. After the ambulance left, Dana should have asked the quartet, “Did you still want a pizza? Try praying for one. See how that works out for you.”
My absolute “favorite” example of this was the little girl who survived the Sandy Hook shooting by playing dead, laying among the corpses of her friends until the police came. The local fuckwit pastor said she survived because of “divine intervention.” So apparently God wanted those other 20 kids to die.
You’ve inflicted cancer upon me, in your great mercy, and I cannot presume to know your mysterious ways, but this really sucks, and so I’m asking super nicely for you to stop the cancer, which you gave me, because you love me. I’m sure if I were just better and had dinner ready on time you wouldn’t be giving me cancer.
I don’t believe anyone is twisting his words. They’re untwistable.
We had gone to high school together and remained friends afterward, although we went to different colleges. He eventually became my best man. I knew his mom and dad, of course, so when his dad passed away, I went to the wake. There, I saw dad in the coffin and dad walking around the room. In all the time I knew the…
When I was 13, I attended the funeral of an elderly cousin. My mother, sister, and I were sitting directly behind the widow. Suddenly my mother let out a little gasp, and when I turned to see what was wrong, I saw she was staring wide-eyed at the back of the widow’s head, where a fat spider was busily weaving a web on…
Holy Mother of Dog — where to start? I am from the south.
Alright, I obviously was not there, but this is one of the best funeral/memorial stories I’ve heard to date:
I am a bit phobic about air travel. I’m the spazzy person who white knuckles the arm rest and goes into meditative breathing anytime the captain mentions it’s time to buckle up because we have some turbulence ahead. But twice now I have been seated next to the only person on the plane who was more afraid to fly than I…
What is America coming to when a white, kevlar-protected, active service member can’t even bring a loaded AR-15 (with several additional magazines of ammunition) to a crowded mall without civilians panicking and calling the cops????
Now playing
Le chat est sur la chaise.
somewhere in the corner of the internet where they celebrate white history month, i imagine
The mere thought of little kids watching their friends eat lunch, while they have nothing, for some bullshit reason like this, it’s infuriating.
Yes. Sorry. Bye.
My then-roommate and I were at a bar and a guy came up to her and said in the most cheesy, oily voice you can imagine, “Hey, just to save some time: how would you like your eggs in the morning?”