I just spent a glorious hour reading the terrifying stories someone linked to on reddit about all the creepy shit a Search and Rescue officer supposedly encountered during his career. And I suddenly remembered something that used to scare the piddle out of me. And I’m gonna talk about it here because it stands a…

I have two I shared on the thread that I thought would be fun to share again-

I missed these last year and went back and looked for that one.

That one was the scariest one I’ve ever read here. I can’t even explain WHY. I always find the ones that “could” happen to be the freakiest, but that one took the cake. I think that one scared me so badly because of the idea of someone watching you so closely for so long, being so angry and yet doing NOTHING ABOUT IT.…

#DeathGoals

I don’t even know if I should read these, considering I’m still traumatized from last year’s “Look At Me”.

What kind of loser ghost haunts an apartment that is only 350 sq ft? When I’m a ghost I’m haunting a big ass mansion or not at all.

Yeah, he was just asking for it.

Sounds like he was showing off that sweet ass. So not manspreading, but he was still asking to be arrested for murder.

Yeah, I thought about that a lot while writing this up. Ticketing someone for taking up 2 seats on a train car that’s likely empty rings a lot of alarm bells.

A man his age should have known that if you sit like that you’ll attract the wrong sort of attention.

Oh yeah - if you can swing it you definitely make a buffer and then strategically remove said buffer when a chill looking youngster with headphones and a deep interest in his/her cell phone gets on the bus and you slide over to make room for them.

Not all murderers are manspreaders. Some of us know we need to draw the line somewhere.

Maybe, but they caught Timothy McVeigh because he was driving a car with expired plates. The little things are what trip you up.

I have noticed that women are more likely to put their stuff on the seat next to them than to spread their legs or arms. We are definitely conditioned from an early age to keep our bodies in a very small space.

I think it’s interesting how lots of guys claim self-defense——and get believed, when it’s a woman. I read an article about a series of these pleas in Australia (which, dammit, I cannot locate now) by men, and they almost always get a reduced sentence, despite histories of violence——and no witnesses. Women, though, who…

No, please, God, carry on getting caught.

This is so weird. I’m working (literally working on this at my desk this minute) on a project related to NYPD harassment of minorities by using quality of life and traffic offenses as a pretext for arrest. Usually they just go with some bullshit about resisting arrest, but holy hell did they hit the jackpot with this…

This comment alone is going to make reading this worthwhile, even after the the Pinkham’s Scofflaws come along.