The Mayo-lai Ham-ssacre

They should put Mickey D’s Szechuan sauce packets in the first 100 boxes.

I don’t mind when stupid people get scammed and ripped off.

Call me old fashioned, but when a man opens the contents of his colon to you, it’s a prelude to a lifelong friendship.

From winner to Soeul food dinner. 

I’m upset that racehorses are being treated this way instead of happily spending their days at leisure.

Only Notre Dame made a billion dollars faster

Weddings ought to be a showcase for the bride’s bullshit, nobody else’s.

That should read 0.3 grams of feces. Source: https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

They use use him as propaganda against the North: Under a free market system, you could become a fat fuck too!

I could totally relate to this. I too, was denied the good stuff, went crazy after leaving home with all the cereals that were once denied me, and have settled into middle age with steel cut oats in the morning while denying my spawn tasty breakfast treats.

It’s an old rule that dates back to a time when tables were much smaller and rickety and you could easily tip all the food on you if your elbows were on the table.

After 24 hours of continuous wear, all underwear will contain 3 grams of fecal matter

Treat the garbage can like the garbage can, not your body. Forcing yourself to clean your plate is a sure way to wind up obese.

The manufacturer is P&J Health, it’s called P & J Health - Advanced Stop Snoring Solution, Anti Snoring Tongue Stabilizing and Sleep Aid Device (Clear)

If you’re getting paid cash, you don’t have to declare squat.

I scrub my pan with a chainmail square I got off of amazon for 15 dollars and generous helpings of elbow grease.

They should do one where a racist celebrity moron winds up as President

Yes, my dentist for the bruxism and cardiologist for the apnea. The cardiologist recommendation is losing a bunch of weight.

Correct.