This photo makes me feel weird.

I finally quit smoking a year ago and I don’t really want to smoke anymore and I see now how truly gross it is.

Attention whores aren’t born - they’re built.

Mary-Kate Olsen looks like a tiny French child next to her new husband and his daughter.

Why does a newborn baby need a Twitter account? I'm 32 and I don't even have a Twitter account.

Then my work here is DONE.

Can you just cut to the chase and say something openly racist so we can get this account banned?

Oh look, Drunk Uncle makes a thanksgiving day appearance.

a truly great troll mimics stupidity so well as to be completely indistinguishable from it. so... congrats?

“no one gives a s**t until someone gives a s**t”

Somebody took notes during Cris Carter’s seminar.

That header, tho.

If you order a pizza and it comes 13 months later, make sure to just shut the fuck up and eat the pizza, OK?

Nobody rioted. By the way.

There's been no rioting. There are some people marching around the Loop, but it's half empty today anyway.

Except there hasn’t been a riot.

Because it took them 13 months to even bring charges, largely because the department was trying to bury the case, including trying to get this video sealed away from public view.

He should not have didgeridone that.

“I don’t always spill my beer on people. But when I do, I make sure it’s televised.”

And no phucs were given.