Goddamn it this is the SECOND TIME that I was reminded of Newt Gingrich’s existence this week! WHY. WHHHHHHY.

They’d be a more convincing couple than Hiddleswift.

Good Lord, look at Christie up there. He looks like somebody deliberately trying to drive himself nuts so it’ll hurt less, with no success. It’s like Tennessee Williams wrote Night of the Iguana and set it in Jersey.

I dunno, one of my favorite things to watch is Silicon Valley, which is most famous for a really elaborate dick joke.

Stacey, we really don’t need you standing up for us. Especially those of us who are sitting down and shutting up. Maybe you should do the same?

The “new band name” joke is overplayed, but damn. “The Cognitive Dissidents” would be a good one.

He might’ve bought them 40 years ago.

I’ve committed to going “full” Dame Judi Dench when I’m sixty. Silver pixie, perfect makeup and flattering sheaths and tunics. I will now add a tattoo to that list.

she might not get it as a tattoo, but she apparently does naughty cross stitch on-set when she’s not in front of the camera, so there could very well be a Dame Judy original work out there of that very phrase.

Get it, Dame Judi.

I wish it said “suck my dick”. I mean she’s 81. why not!

Hard pass. Murder For Pizza went downhill after they started adding prog elements in the “Box of Infants” EP. And TFTD’s just a Too Many Daves rip off band.

Oh, go to hell, Universe. You take away brontosaurs, you take away Pluto as a planet, you take away cookie dough—what next, Hobbes was only a stuffed tiger? This will not stand! FIGHT ME

so the boxed Ghiradelli dark chocolate chip cookie mix is fine, right? since it’s not homemade?

You want to know what’s messed up? I just finished a frozen wedge of Nestle’s chocolate chip cookie dough when I opened up this article.

How does this affect my raw pasta diet? I was about to publish my raw pasta cookbook: Crunchy Delights In Your Cabinet: Plenty of Penne for All.