“Your headaches are probably coming from the subliminal messages the CIA is sending through the TV. You should go live at the bus stop.”

Is it just me or do the pictures seem to show Paulie losing a Riverdance battle?

Like some sort of ban?

Needless flexing of authority, wild overreaction to immigrant, old and miserable.

Alderson said he needs more work, saying “after the season, he’s going to spend 40 days fasting in the desert.”

I hate on Tebow as much as everyone else...but it’s pretty fucking crazy that he took 10 years off from baseball, only played in high school, and is now hitting .330 in Single A and can hit home runs and shit.

It would be great if he’s been just been plugging away all these years yearning for a platform to still break news and write columns, but also make dick jokes and ranked lists of candy bars, or whatever.

It would take over 150 years to put “a cool mil” in an IRA.

“I’d hit it.”

Good on them.

SMART. Those will never need new tires, ever.

Jesus. Even his swim trunks are khakis

In America, we use words like “grit” to describe players who are willing to get dirty and like “captain” for those who will do anything for their teammates.

“I WILL TURN THIS YACHT AROUND!”

Oh, did he chat up the wait staff about the importance of primer on an exterior wall, and when you need to repair a snowblower or just replace one?

I look forward to Horowitz blessing HGTV with new argueshows like “Shiplap Upside Your Head” and “Unintelligent Design”

Newsflash to the people of and around New York:

Oof

He was always a monster, there were clues

Tears of rage as he remembered that other people would be enshrined with him on that day, and that the 8th grade coach who relegated him to B-team somehow escaped the car bomb explosion.