Oh bullshit.

We won’t know what really happened until Diana Moskovitz’s article. 

I say this without the thinnest shred of sarcasm or snark. I honestly think that anyone who eats boogers has serious mental health issues.

I thought we all agreed he was most likely to be a shaved and partially-domesticated marmoset with some speech-to-text software?

As someone who grew up in the city of Boca Raton, left it for college, then untriumphantly returned to it two years after graduating, I can tell you three things that will happen while Lane Kiffin is coach of the FAU Owls:

Man that is just like my engagement story. I was putting away some groceries while my husband was doing the dishes and he said “Let’s get married” and I said “Sure”.

Shoulda named themselves The Fluid Exhange. Because it implies that the business exchange will go smoothly and they’ll make semen come out your weiner. They really blew it, coulda gotten loads more of business coming their way

Are we sure that neither of them is Dominican?

You’re with posterity, leather

Considering he broke her fucking skull, yeah, she’s owed some money. You clown-fucking piece of shit.

This was my personal top sports moment of the year, bar none.

Oh, good, labial split pussy bows are back in fashion!

Exactly what his hookers exclaim when getting boned by this blobfish theocratic dick whistle.

Sir, what time did you stop drinking?

Not to mention, he was listening to the trial version of Sirius XM where they repeatedly say “Imagine how this would be with no commercials?!” over and over again