Great! Perhaps you can help me? I'm looking for a love-potion aerosol, that I can spray on a certain Penthouse Pet, to obtain her total submission.

I imagine Kim Jong Un reading the Art of the Deal is like opening the Lemarchand puzzle box. I don't why I made that connection.

Reality is too real.

Fun joke: He's on stage and says " Everything will be off my new album" . And then watch results.

Adam Sandler will save us. I it saw in a documentary once.

"And the winner for best R&B song, "Never Going to Give You Up" by Rick Astley. This is Rick Astley's 4th win of the night after the internet added a "submit your own choice" option to their online voting"

Secret Parties? Do they do kids birthday parties?

I expect a lot of men looking at the light tonight saying "I'm not crying, it's allergies."

"IT'S ABOUT A MIDWESTERN FAMILY" …..so it's The Middle?

"Hey Alex, twerk for me. Do it now or ass is getting destroyed tonight" Jones' Cellmate.

Great. Now we will have to hear from Kathy Griffin on this. So the press conference at the usually time right? Though I wouldn't mind hear Snoops take on this.

Motel 69…..I mean Four Season of Death. The other one is for a movie I'm making.

I can't believe no one wanted to buy a hoodie for $300. This is a piece of history! I still have my Woodstock 99 bottle of water. That's going to be worth something someday.

I forgot about Dark Claw. Scratch my suggestion. Do this instead.

If Marvel adds a bonus scene at the end of Infinity War, I might loose it. "Yes, I know I have waiting 20 minutes, but I am sure it's coming soon. Wait they just finished the main cast credits? There still more to go? When will this NIGHTMARE OF CREDITS END?"

Then do Bruce Wayne Agent of Shield if you like each other so much.

And no taksies backsies!

I like to present exhibit F as drawn by a magic pen. It is a picture of a wine glass with a sad face on it.

"Why is Mr. Sean Spicer in the corner crying daddy?" Barron Trump asks as he opens a dark room with no windows.

Have we not learned anything from Dracula Untold?