Putin: He said "covfefe"! Destroy all documents and begin project New America. You have done well Mr. President. We will take it from here.

They do have the place JCPenny sends their damaged merchandise.

Who knew holding a fake bloody head of the president would cause so much trouble. Oh well. I wonder if Dustin Diamond is available to host.

Yeah, but I just want rule a country for a week. Two weeks tops.

I meant to say Murder Town USA. I mean Wilmington. They get mad if you mention call it Murder Town USA. They think its wrong to call it Murder Town USA. I ask to ignore whatever Newsweek says and do not call it Murder Town USA

Could we destroy Lebanon by not dropping bombs but pictures of Gal Gadot over the all over the country? I could rule them all! Where's my copier and bootleg Wonder Woman DVD. I have country to overthrow!

"Where do talk about hallelujah being Delaware's word we need help spelling? Before or after 92nd shooting in the city story or the traffic report? We should lead with it!"
And this why I don't listen to local radio anymore.

Are they fat shaming dads by calling them whales? I need to ponder this over some cake.

Kathy Griffin should be ashamed of herself. But not just for head thing, but everything leading up to that point. She is truly History's Greatest Monster.

To be fair she was just trying to be funny. But why start now?

My mystery flavor tastes like tears of a factory worker. That and cherry.

When I had sex with an immigrant, it set America/ Mexico relations back 10 years. Sorry. My bad.

IRS already did that.

"I don’t feel like my character would get killed by bullets." At this point the writer starts crying in a ball in the corner of the set as he is surrounded by white roses.

I could use all this for that Radio Shack porno I am filming.

I think it goes deeper than that. What if they are activation codes for sleeper cells? Sit down to watch Zootopia on moment and BAM! you are breaking into the pentagon wearing a fat suit and fake mustache., holding 3 files with Exodus written on them. The guy next you is wearing a batman mask shouting in inupiatun.…

More interested Jamie Foxworth's book. Some of the chapters were omitted though.

There was guys only screening of Mean Girls once. ONCE.

You know he just throws that football at interns and women. He doesn't even yell "Catch". Just throws it. Saw a woman the other day carrying coffee and he just mumbled "this is for Bill" and threw right at her face. Still smiles afterward.

SNEAK HUG!