This is Texas. Federal laws are for other states.

I was thinking more Disney-style: Air Spud

Oh, totally. A lot of people are definitely noticing prices. I do eat fast food, but it's usually out of convenience rather than price. There's this one restaurant chain where I live, I guess it's technically fast food but it's a hell of a lot better, and cheaper. Barbecue place called Bill Miller's. I can get their…

This is also my reasoning. I usually only eat fast food when I am in a hurry or there aren't any other options, because I would rather spend $10-15 a couple times a month to order takeout from a diner or tacos from the taqueria down the street than spend that money more often on McDonalds. I eat an awful lot of…

I guess my intelligence ranks a little lower. My initial response is "who's a kitty?!?!?"

God you are a fucking retard. Do you realize not everyone has the appliances to make that shit? Or the money to put up front for ingredients? Or access to an actual store? Do you know what a food or grocery desert is?

So what you're telling me is that it's on par with Subway, Chipolte's, Panera, Zaxby's or any number of other second-tier fast food places that don't pay their employees $15 bucks an hour. People have been paying more for fast food for over a decade now. It's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

The person who should feel the worst about that horrible play? The guy who filmed it in vertical mode. His life coach should be fired.

Kind of relevant one time my boyfriend threatened to leave me over flavored lube. I gave him an intensive blowjob and that combined with the flavored lube really really irritated my lips and I thought I had contacted oral herpes somehow (I didn't put two and two together until I had told him "omg my lips are tingley…

I would have thought that would be Mark Shrayber's beat.

I am making a facial expression I can only describe as sitting at the midway point between awe and horror.

Makes me wonder what Dorito porn is like. Dorito Does Dallas. I imagine a face full of cheese dust at the end.

4 For 30: The Ryan Leaf Story

Anything that looks like it was made for a 5th grade history report is always going to be funny.

Somehow I don't think we can blame Terry Pegula for the state of New York not allowing the Bills to play in the aftermath of SEVEN FEET of snow

I like how this terrible, terrible person must clearly be fat. Because people are fat because they are lazy and greedy and abusive to their children. Seriously, though, how is the weight of the wife or the father relevant here? The daughter wasn't starved because he ate all the food he would otherwise feed her. I…

Never apologize.

But... where's the video of them all having sex afterwards?

23) Do not go out to eat with this guy unless you have no sense of shame.

I love your use of asterisks and parentheses. seriously