Yesterday’s tragedy was in my hometown. Suffice it to say that my level of rage that gun violence occurs so frequently, and is so seemingly acceptable to a large proportion of the U.S. population, is palpable today.

I cry over pizza all the time. Especially as I eat it over the sink while drinking a handle of bourbon straight from the bottle.

If anyone is good at holding multiple opposite viewpoints at one time, it’s a conservative Republican.

12 million gallons for one home is a drop in the bucket to you? Get over yourself.

Ashanti honestly deserves a medal for confronting her stalker in court.

I want to give fighting polish credit for being pretty close to 100% correct:

Well the mirror certainly wouldn't help.

I once peed in my cat’s litterbox cause I didn't want to put pants on. GET ON MY LEVEL JLAW

What? You guys obviously are nubes. You just sit on the edge and pee. Like a toilet. But higher up.

She gets a bit like a super drunk friend in a hotel elevator, doesn’t she?

I refuse to believe there is a single adult alive who hasn’t peed in a sink. You can say you haven’t, but you’re a liar.

Anyone wanna take bets on how long before Trump holds a press conference to call Lawrence “ugly and a stupidhead?”

All I know is:

Please no she deserves better than that greasy beard on chicken legs.

The number of prisoners for whom tilapia farming and cheese making are marketable skills they will be able to use after release is extremely small. Given the extremely low political capital of prisoners, the fact that they are literally being paid less than a dollar an hour and the extra difficulties of proving poor…

Getting hard to find Cage-Free Prison Fish tho, TBH.

I just created an amazing blt. Now it's creating some gas.

if I could afford to shop at whole foods I would boycott whole foods.

Allowing private businesses to profit off of prison labor period should be illegal. It’s compelled labor at best and it hurts the labor pool when you allow corporations to do it.

TBH, my first thought reading that headline was, “Wait, we’ve got people in jail who can actually create fish? Since fucking when did Azkaban have a prison labor program? Also I thought food-magic was limited to, like, doing stuff with it, and that you couldn’t just create food out of thin air, and...”