So the lesson he was taught is that watching women’s soccer is a form of punishment?

There is also the “earth is a giant balloon theory”. Thy may just pop the whole planet once they break through the crust. That's pretty dangerous if you ask me.

I believe the jury is still out on that. Skrillex might be a frying pan or possibly a threadbare mop.

I thought it was a brand of cookware.

“You have a right to trial by a jury of your peers...”

“Every room is roomtemperature”

Sorry, there’s a difference?

I find your lack of funds disturbing

From the linked article that you didn’t read:

I probably had the cutest girlfriend in all of sixth grade.

See, that’s his problem, he keeps trying to marry 10s.

Potentially unpopular opinion: Comedians talking about the art of comedy is terribly uninteresting.

“Do you like pepperoni? You will”

Teenaged Mutant Ninja Doomsday

Are you fucking kidding me with that Luthor performance? You’re playing LEX LUTHOR, Eisenberg, not the goddamn Joker.

Can Gawker just list off all the people they’ve fired instead of this Cleveland-like sadness parade where I keep going into a column I enjoy to find out that it’s the last entry?

A-

Racists don’t like black people. Therefore, they would be angry that a black person was cast in a role in a major motion picture.

i agree that ‘very’ needs to go away. Louis CK did a great bit on how we reach for the top shelf when describing things now. Everything is amazing, awesome, ridiculous, astounding. etc. Also, adverbs are killing our language.

Well you do have a way with words.