I also called him “white Shrek” on Gawker.

tell us about your poops! Your poops were probably “interesting thereafter,” amirite?

(also: beets are fantastic)

I’m going to dismiss this comment because it makes me sad.

Step 1: Stick your head in a gas oven.

Dana White can go shove his turdsport up his Trump-fucking ass.

“Irishman wins bout in sport that really should be banned.”

Relax, Robert. You’re not a Brown yet.

It’s Mississippi, they may have miscounted what floor he was on.

Sikh and Islam are completely different religions which aren’t remotely related to each other. It’s like racists aren’t even trying to educate themselves anymore.

So the UFC’s future WAS a sweaty penis!

If he were jerking off, he probably would have turned off the Victoria’s Secret show to avoid the distraction.

So the lesson he was taught is that watching women’s soccer is a form of punishment?

“Every room is roomtemperature”

I probably had the cutest girlfriend in all of sixth grade.

See, that’s his problem, he keeps trying to marry 10s.

Potentially unpopular opinion: Comedians talking about the art of comedy is terribly uninteresting.

Can Gawker just list off all the people they’ve fired instead of this Cleveland-like sadness parade where I keep going into a column I enjoy to find out that it’s the last entry?

A-

i agree that ‘very’ needs to go away. Louis CK did a great bit on how we reach for the top shelf when describing things now. Everything is amazing, awesome, ridiculous, astounding. etc. Also, adverbs are killing our language.

Well you do have a way with words.