It just goes to show, if you want to be successful in this league, you need to be a sterling example of what an athlete represents. You know, committing domestic violence, illegal animal fighting rings, drug and alcohol abuse, blowing all your money well before you’re even out of the league. All top qualities a player…

I can’t wait til Kaep caves, goes out and punches a woman and murders a few dogs and immediately gets offers from multiple NFL teams.

To be fair, the reason I didn’t watch the new Muppet show was because the commercials made it look like they were all acting out of character...

Men think so little of women that when a woman is giving a living wage it literally makes their dicks soft. Your body is proving that your entire self worth is predicated on women being inferior. That’s fucking hilarious and pathetic.

Remember when Girl Scouts could camp on the White House lawn without fear of sexual predation? *sigh*

Cassettes tapes of the radio, interspersed with “SHUT UP, I’m taping this!” 

We used to drive around with cassettes.

The moral of the story is that y’all are a bunch of babies and I am old as dirt.

“I Tripped Over The Ottoman” was such a great tune—a punk song about The Dick Van Dyke Show spoke to my weird tastes perfectly. I literally bought that whole particular album based on hearing that single song. “Punk Rock Girl” is still on heavy rotation at my house, too.

I LOVED the Dead Milkmen and still do. Saw them on my 18th birthday! Got Joe Jack’s autograph in lipliner on a napkin! He wrote “RED IS BLOOD - JOE JACK” Also whenever an ignorant fuckstick makes a homophobic comment within earshot, I like to yell “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL?”

I’m so sorry, I’ve never seen anything that made me feel so immediately old in my life. Except maybe walking around on campus (I work in a university medical plaza) and watching the ROTC herds go jogging by while I’m in my frumpy office sweater and sensible sneakers.

I am An Old and was a teenager in the 80s and I regret absolutely none of my sublime musical choices. I’m still proud of the fact that I was the first person in my school to get into The Smiths, thanks to KROQ. And although most of my musical tastes were pretty eclectic, again thanks to KROQ, I did and still do crave…

The baby will die if they unhook him. That’s the whole point: he’s being kept alive by machines.

What pisses me off most about President Dipshit inserting himself in this story is that per his proposed healthcare reform, the children suffering like that here at home would be left to die while their parents are saddled with a copious amount of medical debt.

But being unaware of the law doesn’t free you of the consequences of breaking it. I didn’t realize you had to drive for 100 yards in a lane before changing to another lane, but the ticket I paid and the point on my car insurance are the consequences for breaking that law.

Hmm, that’s odd. The blood usually gets off at the fourth day.

Isn’t it funny that the God who created the whole, wide, largely empty universe is concerned with weird shit like this? It’s so odd how all his obsessions happen to sync with a bunch of dudes who lived in the Middle East a couple thousand years ago. Almost like a bunch of sexist dudes just made the whole thing up.

They almost always do harm people, though. Kids who are brainwashed into believing this crap. Women who are forced to be subservient to men (hello orthadox Judaism). Public education that is warped by a community’s religious beliefs. Homosexuals who are ostracized by their families.

Dear Rabbi,
So this happened...

I’d like to agree with you that she got what she deserves, but she appears to have made it out of the building as a billionaire with the power to ruin a generation of schoolchildren.