A haiku, written to commemorate this occasion:

I thought Google Home had an activate phrase? Officially, it’s not always listening, right?

Nor should I; Tom coined the turn of phrase all by himself, like a big boy.

Can’t wait until this panda signs a 4 year, 98 mil contract with 76ers and makes you look like a trash-eating corncob, Tom.

Starred not for quality, but because this sort of unhinged, obliviously self-gratifying rant really doesn’t leave the grays very often these days.

Spielbergo is so underrated.

Don’t forget the geriatric sex!

Additionally:

I can’t tell if this post was written by a dedicated troll or a well-programmed mansplain bot. Either way, I’m passing you along to the rest of the commentariat for shits and giggles.

I read elsewhere that the defense argued that, as even the prosecution concedes that the initial shot was legally justifiable and that police officers are trained to assume the possibility of a second weapon that, ipso facto, the final fatal shot delivered just over a second later than the first must also be legally…

So you can just low-key call women inferior genetic scum in 2017? We’re halfway through this shit and I’m still not prepared for this year.

The Congressional Black Caucus declined an invitation to meet with Donald Trump.

Photo filter doesn’t explain (or excuse) that edge up tho.

Maybe Churchill Downs is an homage to this house.

At the very least, with Dwight in Charlotte we’ll never have to hear from him again.

Oh joy, I was hoping that the neckbeards would have something new to cluck about this week.

Wait, she’s brave, honorable (I can’t imagine how else I’d describe risking your life for someone so vehemently opposed to your very existence), attractive and can ball?

Maher remains a craven, ratings grubbing media whore. OK, whatever. I haven’t watched his show in years because I find the quality of “debate” to of the bottom-feeder variety.

Goddamn, here we go again!

So this is how Kenny Rogers spends his (copious amounts of) free time these days?