I wonder what his girlfriend thinks about his nuts, though?

Yeah, but we usually just call him John Thompson Returns, for short.

“Testifying on behalf of the partygoers, Hyesha Bryant told the couple, “This day affected my life and it affected my children’s lives... I forgive you. I forgive all of you.”

I say this with all sincerity - fuck absolutely everything about this photograph.

Ask Me About My New God is one of my favorite comedy albums. Before I stumbled upon it a few years ago, I was completely convinced that modern comedy was boring, reductive and hiply cynical. But Maria thrives because her comedy can take legitimately baffling turns at any second. 

Celebrities: So like us.

But there are certainly people who are capable of giving consent at a younger age. I certainly consider myself to be one of them, people who were sexually active younger. I think it particularly happens in the gay world, by the way

A thought occurs:

Would you like to watch two middle-aged men—one, a limp, anthropomorphic scarf; the other, a tin-haired gargoyle —jerk each other off in front of a camera for precisely one minute? Well!

I will totally watch the anime that this young woman’s awesome story is bound to inspire.

No snack. No drink. No food. No fondling the genitals of your partner even though that’s exactly what the seats at the very back of the theater are for. No dropping the brightness of your screen down to its lowest setting and tucking said cell phone in your shirt to respond to an intrusion by the ever-present drama…

I’m too depressed to make the requisite phallus jokes. I need you to hold me down, Jez.

“That’s emasculating” is a fucking batshit stupid take. Or at least I thought it was until I heard the same guy say “YOU tell your wife what to eat” a few moments later. Who is this asshole? I’d really like to avoid unwittingly stumbling upon another clip of his show.

Baby, those are overtones. Third or fourth order at a minimum. There’s not a damned thing under about those tones.

Yoooooooo, where the basic hoes at!?

Taint no big deal to me.

Living in this political landscape feels like being trapped in a perpetually compressing mosh pit at a Cannibal Corpse concert where the band seamlessly segues from song to song so the aggression never crests, it just rises.

Pictured: Minor Traffic.

Steven Malkmus and the Knicks.

From: Jason S. Garlock