Corporate pilot here. Absolutely the most difficult part of this was getting him to the airplane. After he’s onboard, easy peasy japanesey.

Fuck you. 

Wearing a John Rocker jersey is the same as wearing a MAGA hat.

Everyone please check out this important update I stole from Twitter:

This is a true story: When I was in my dirtbag 20s, my friends and I used to hang out at a crappy bar because we loved the main bartender and the culture there. Then the scumbags who owned the bar fired the bartender we loved. He went to work at another bar and we followed him there. The first bar is closed now.

Deadspin usually has sports?

Can you let me know when you will be returning to sports coverage so I can go back to checking in once or twice per day? I have a lot to do today at work and all of these posts about non-sports topics are distracting because I Must Read Every Single One of Them. Whereas with the sports stuff I really only care if its…

I feel like venture capitalists would consider theft a sport, right?

Would like to take this opportunity to applaud the decision to link out to as many great non-sports stories as possible today:

Man, I love people who self-own through being hilariously inept. You know, pumpkin thieves, thin-skinned vulture capitalist owners of blog sites, those kinds of folks.

His entire 80s output is deeply embarrassing, square music that’s the musical equivalent of ED. 

Billy Joel is the autoplay Farmers Insurance ad of rock radio.

Favorite part of the Correa play is the balletic move to catch the high throw from Altuve and drag his right toe across the bag before unleashing the dart to Gurriel. Just an awesome play very few, if any, other SS makes. 

Username checks out.

Didi Gregorius has a back-breaking, narrative-shattering, absolutely iconic three-run bomb off best pitcher on the planet Gerrit Cole in Game 3 with the benefit of the juiced ball. He hit it at 100.3 mph (one of the hardest he’s hit this year) and Reddick caught it up against the wall.

Not a strong physics program at OU, huh?

I guess it beats dying from dysentery.

welcome to life as a meme, sooner schooner

You dumb bastard. It’s not a Schooner, it’s a Failboat.