I initially misread USWNT as USMNT and got really excited that Berhalter had been shitcanned. Oh well...

I definitely would’ve missed all those shoehorned puns if you hadn’t italicized them, thanks for that 

When a rotation player on a mid-major college basketball team in the NCAA tournament finds the ball in his hands at the end of an unexpectedly close game against a team from a power conference, and throws up a shot that falls through the net right as the buzzer sounds, giving his team the upset victory, and in…

“I don’t understand ‘bonds,’ or ‘finance,’ or ‘debt’ or ‘money,’ but I want the media to know that I am a full, equal partner in this transaction!”

Maybe if she’d gone to public school she wouldn’t be so fucking stupid

Truth.

But he wouldn’t have done this for, say, the NFL combine?

We’re so dead.

I’m just gonna go ahead and call bullshit on him never having done cocaine. 

“Fuck. She means us, doesnt she?”

Billabong Pipe Masters

“I’d rather people get hurt than get rich” is an early leader for next year’s Worst Take of the Year award. 

In six months, when I go to my next dentist appointment, I’ll read this and get back with you Laura. 

It’s time to rethink LeBron James. I mean, he didn’t even get to play college ball.

From what I know about the rules of soccer, this shouldn’t be an impediment.

Obligatory NFL Films music to go with it:

Too many toes and a hard tackle.  Rex Ryan just soaked his beanbag chair

Mel Blount?

The only relevant inquiry is whether its scarier to find a clown in the ocean or a clown in space?  Answer me that, idiots.