“Nobody I know watches this” describes literally everything on CBS, but I don’t think this makes them liars. They just don’t have any shows I care about. I don’t get how a TV critic can be so confounded that The Masses have different tastes than critics.

This would certainly explain why Game of Thronesspawned an entire cottage industry while it would be remarkable if you’ve ever heard a human person talk about You or Sex Education out loud, but who can say? Not me, because I don’t and can’t know if Netflix is telling the truth—and not Netflix, because their numbers…

Hahahahaha... this shit’s all so stupid and pointl

“All she did is ... [tries to remember ‘asian’ massage stereotype] um, walk on my back the whole time.  And I paid whatever you said you paid.”

Then I was told my tip (15%) was too small.

The best part will be when they are in the heat of battle, Tyrion, bloodied and winded, will turn to Ser Bronn, as they are surrounded by an ever closing circle of white walkers, and say, “Well, things are certainly looking dire.”

(cue DOG ARMY)

You, a fool: Game Of Thrones will end with the Night King winning and sitting on the Iron Throne, ushering in a realm of frozen zombies ruling Westeros
Me, enlightened: Game Of Thrones will end with Nymeria and her Dog Army winning and sitting on the Iron Throne, ushering in a realm of Good Doggies ruling Westeros.

...and the only legible line reads “more tits!” underlined several times.

Agreed, these kind of antiquated views should have been put out to Pasteur a long time ago.

I don't like that the protesters demand the players take a homogenized stance on the issue. 

Jesus! Even more evidence of Russia meddling with our erections.

The Pelicans have merely joined the upper echelon of vindictiveness and malice, long occupied only by geese

Clearly you're not being enough of an asshole to your underlings.

Hiring Greg Schiano: When pooping in the fridge and eating a whole wheel of cheese no longer gives you the thrill it used to.

You know you’ve lived an interesting life when “mowed down a bicyclist on campus” doesn’t even make the story about what a bad person you are.

It’s like an exponential function, it just keeps getting better and better, once you reach complaining about people complaining about people complaining about people complaining about people complaining about people complaining about the game you’ve reached something akin to nirvana.

I got to make fun of Jill Stein supporters- so, yeah, I feel great.

“You sat there for 4 HOURS, going ‘OH it’s so boring!’ JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!”
-Trey Wingo in marriage therapy. 

Predictions are hard, especially about the future.

The auction price also includes a pair of top-of-the-line noise-cancelling headphones, so you can block out the sound of the ceaseless whispering that emanates from the mask each night.