You forgot step one: Declare Himself King bc REPUBLICANS CONTROL THE SENATE, HELLO.

I’m voting for Warren. She has practical plans and the political ability to get things done. Bernie is just Trump in a blue hat. 

No, it took a paragraph or so for my brain to catch up.... 

Yes, in a giant plastic cup - while your friends are drinking from sophisticated glassware.

You’re killin me, Claire! I need to know what kind of rig you’re working with, here. I bought the wee Presto in ‘16 on Gizmodo’s suggestion. It’s a good little waffle-maker and takes a fraction of the space my old, ginormous Krupps used to take (good god, that thing was heavy). But it doesn’t have temperature settings!…

Well, obviously, you shouldn’t march in there accusing them of ripping you off, but it is perfectly aacceptable to ask questions in a calm, innocent tone of voice.

Yeah, and you, the employee, should be documenting every one these interactions too!

I just saw one the other day!

I really enjoy biting down on Gummie Bears though. Embrace my chaotic evil! 

The recent heavy rains have triggered a random sprouting of the mesclun in my yard and it’s (surprisingly) very good.

Food cans in the US are 100% stainless steel aka, “the exact same stuff your pots and pans are made out of.” It’s obviously not as strong, but it isn’t going to poison you. 

They were also in a bar crowded with vaguely inebriated lowlifes. A Force push could easily be mistaken for a regular push. You’d have a bar brawl pretty quick. Arm avulsion via lightsaber, however, sends a clear “Kenobi has seen some shit and HE WILL MESS YOU UP.” message to KEEP WALKING, which the room clearly…

Billionaires like Leon Cooperman are “warning” the American people of the dangers of a Warren presidency the same way a 250lb dude taps your rows of jewelry cases with his bat “warning” you they could come to harm if you don’t pay up.

I’ve also discovered that changing the pw on your computer doesn’t immediately kick your TV off when you’re logged into D+ (via Roku) at the same time. I logged out of D+ on the TV/Roku and logged back in using the new password. Maybe there’s just a lag, but I didn’t wait around to find out.

You can spend your FSA money on anything that goes in a First Aid kit (ice packs! heating pads! ace bandages! Neosporin!)

“I don’t understand. If he's that intelligent, as you say, why would have to climb over and/or punch anything?"

I had forgotten until this moment that Prego came in a "plain" flavor. I always buy the mushroom flavor and hit it with a pinch of Equal. 

The Marvel and DC Universes are connected by the Speed Force. I am completely serious. Barry Allen didn’t die in Crisis on Infinite Earths. He crossed over.

My guess is that it’ll be completely behind glass, like those “open kitchen” bakeries that make you feel like you’re visiting a People Zoo.

I’m 38 and I’ve never been “in a relationship.” I’ve never dated any one person longer than six months. But that’s because I didn’t even *start* getting my shit together until I was 30.