Tnx.

Welcome back to Behind Closed Ovens, the BIZARRO EDITION:

Nothing worse than linguinies that are picked too soon. Grilling them more won't even make them tender.

#dontpanic

1000x. Straight guys have NO clue that you should not ask to have sex in a damn online chat. Also, I like The Walking Dead, but I don't want to screw everybody else who does. Is that so hard to understand?

"Why haven't you punched me in the face and kidneys if you don't want to have sex?"

I like how she's leaving because, basically, people are mean to her and yet she doesn't even acknowledge (let alone apologize for) the hundred-or-so tactless and insensitive things she's said and done. Yeah, people on the internet are mean and they suck and your cellulite shouldn't be a target but girl, really, be…

Dude get out my head. I literally just tweeted the same exact thing.

my mom had never even seen Mexican food until she was in her late 40s (she just never tries new things unless she has someone to coach her along so none of us had ever stepped foot into even a taco bell). that said, she just asked the server what they recommended (after explaining that she had never had Mexican food)…

I worked at a place where we sold lots of different kind of wraps. I had a woman who could have been the age of my grandmother ask me to explain what a wrap was. Sure, no problem. I explain to her that its a sandwich wrapped up in a tortilla instead of on regular bread.

It always makes me wonder what happened to these people. At my work (grocery store) people all the time ask about fa-jai-ta sauce and case-uh-dill-uhs. People, for real, those are words in the English language now. If Taco Bell has used it as a burrito wrap, you can pronounce quesadilla right.

On her planet they just let their pseudopods hang out in a nutrient rich broth, or else they engulf small critters foolish enough to get too close. Learning about a planet from the internet means they know a lot about cats and porn, but there are big gaps in their knowledge base.

I want two chicken fuhjitahs!!

Like Peter Griffin 'fuh-ji-tahs'?

Oh totally. She was embarrassed that she didn't know but grasped the fundamentals right off. It's when people just look at you all "UNRETRIEVABLE DISC ERROR DATA MAY BE LOST" or worse, argue with you that such and such is NOT what you just explained it was that there's gonna be a problem.

In his case, he looks at all the gluten as he's eating it.

I truly feel for people who have real food allergies. I'm sure their lives are 100x harder becasue of having to deal with all the crazies and their made up food issues like "whole nut allergies" and phantom "gluten sensitivity" that make it harder for them to be taken seriously.

The "lady" in the last story sounds like a real half-wheat...

"Overall, not believing in God seems to make people and their offspring more tolerant. Less racist. Less sexist. Enviro-friendly."

So I'll edit this as I read further, but so far just for the first story.