I started idly listing “great” male authors I simply could not plow through because they seemed like self-centered assholes who hated women.

Counterpoint: Don’t fuck someone like that.

Fuck anyone who won’t go down on their partner but expects their partner to go down on them.

She’s a birther. She deserves every moment of hell she is currently living through. I hope it’s every bit as painful as it appears.

My birthday wish for her: I hope she’s sitting by herself in a room somewhere realizing that the gobs of money she got were not remotely worth the trade off. Selling your soul always seems like a good idea at first...

I don’t remember much from the original movie, except that the first sister died in a pretty graphic way. (She jumped out of her bedroom window and impaled herself on the wrought-iron fence, it was implied it was due to being depressed and isolated from her peers by her parents.) After that happens, the second oldest…

Please explain to me how this disrespectful old bigot is a “friend of Jezebel”?? Are you just ignoring this...

OH fuck right off and grow the fuck up.

I mean, a lot of real-life suicides don’t stack up on a cost-benefit analysis. It’s not usually a rational decision.

“They told me that they wouldn’t be able to pay me for the first shoot,” Gaines said, though she did stand to make royalties and earn a second shoot if “the image does well.”

Better to be the “after” pic for clitoral cysts than the “before”.

“Scab” is an old timey union word but had its origins in the 1700s. So you’re not THAT old!

People still go to Tony Robbins seminars? I thought he turned into one giant fossilized tooth years ago.

It was insensitive to be sure, but the point was that in one night this guy managed to get a girlfriend, partied his ass off, etc. With the exception of the name and gong sound effect he really wasn’t the butt of the joke. He was there to make Ringwold feel worse about her lot in life.

The mid-course correction to NOT have Andie end up with Duckie was the best decision they made in that movie. The guy had issues. When one person is that enamored of another who doesn’t share the same feelings, it’s going to be a weird friendship. Turn that into a romantic relationship and you’re looking at an…

I was so confused by that line when I was a kid.

There are a ton of movies in this category. Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds are the rapiest fucking movies ... and I thought both of them were cool and hilarious when I was a kid.

What, like it’s hard?

Yeah. These names aren’t American enough. Why can’t these people assimilate?

It’s a toxic stew of poverty, rural pride, and brain-dead adherence to “traditional values.” When you’ve got nothing else, fucking and making kids is about all you’ve got to demonstrate that you’re still a human being capable of affecting the world.