You and what army?

“Dibs”

Luke Plunkett, master Kotaku shit-poster.

I was literally 3 seconds away from opening the wrap on my copy when my friend texted me “Jesus Homefront is an awful game.”

I waited for a review, nodded, and returned the game for a full refund. As I vaguely recall, I put the money in for a preorder of RAGE instead.

So in a way, I was still buying a disappointing FPS

Right on motherducker

One is a media that uses outrageous headlines, catchy wording, and impressive looking pictures to attract the attention of potential viewers and the other is a Time magazine.

That’s right - we can’t all just hit the ‘X’ button to win every fight

*stares menacingly at FF13*

You clearly don’t understand how jokes work

I made it all the way to the end. It was ‘meh’ in terms of overall quality - they created such an amazing environment, but ignored 90% of it.

You clearly don’t understand how video games work.

Sweet! I can’t wait to work on my mod that converts every nonsense proper noun in the game with the word ‘Smurf.’

Pshaw! Then I’ll form my own mafia game! With blackjack! And hookers!

I can’t wait to spend $60 to play in a massive and beautifully designed world that I will mostly ignore in favor of terrible vehicle controls (limited to 45mph to avoid getting ticketed by ever-present cops), mediocre 3rd-person cover-based shooting, and roughly 11 hours of total gameplay.

Hopefully they keep some of…

I, for one, cannot wait until the future when bullshit tactics like pre-order exclusives, stupid DLC, timed exclusives, terrible ports, and buggy games have vanished from our hobby.

Because at some point in time the future, we as consumers will honestly say “enough is enough” and have developers either fall in line or…

No no, I understand - it makes sense when you think about it. There’s a perfectly logical explanation for why you didn’t like it - and you honestly don’t need to apologize for it or explain it or feel guilty about it.

You mean you’re NOT using a milk frother? Jesus, I didn’t know North Koreans could even GET to amazon.com.

You mean you’re NOT using a milk frother? Jesus, I didn’t know North Koreans could even GET to amazon.com.

Don’t be silly - what if, one day, a fairy comes down and decides to make her into a REAL girl. She’ll blink her eyes, look around, and ask - for the first time, as a REAL human... “why am I sticky?”

My problem with Deckard dying wasn’t because it was going to happen, but because it happened in such a stupid way. There was no impact behind it. No storypoint. No grace. It was just... “splurt, bleh, UNCLE!”

It was lazy writing - that’s all. They could - and should - have made his death more weighted than it was. He…

Oh, good lord yes. Diablo 2 had a wonderful sense of storytelling by having the old man retell everything as a ‘right before you got there’ sense. Diablo 3... just spoonfed you on a railroad.

But DECKARD CAIN DIES! Yeah guys. We’re grimdark. Hardcore. Etc. Etc.

And in the expansion? DEATH IS EVIL! He wants the souls to…