Your assumption that all men are sociopaths who only behave decently as a manipulation for sex is disgustingly misandrist. How dare you be so hateful to men. They are human beings, fully capable of being people of decency and integrity.

Yup. That's about when the kids started making fun of my body. Before that, I didn't even have a body image. I just was. 10.

To me BetterOffTed sounds like a grown man and not a cry baby. I’m pretty sure my husband would never while like this, and would be embarrassed by this letter. His older brother expressed a similar thing at that age, and I could see him lose respect for him, which was a terrible thing, to be honest.

Of all the generic titles I hear at work, “ma’am” is far and away the most acceptable. I’ll take “ma’am” over honey, baby, sweetie, or the single time a customer called me “you bitch” any old day. I feel like this will still be true when I’m Tony’s age.

I’m at that age where the cashiers at my local Whole Foods alternate between calling me “sir” and “dude”. Depends on what I’m wearing when I’m paying for the comestibles.

No, I am the guy that learned that there is a lot more to being a man than “getting the most pussy”. You have to be an adult before you can be a man. Grow up..... Or don’t, your call.

Dear Tony,

Well, I, for one plan to engage in my own plot for eternal youthfulness by bathing in the tears of old dried up white dudes like Tony. Because although he might be becoming aware of his own mortality, truth is he’ll be considered bangable for a while, even with the high douche quotient.

As all things are, I’m sure.

Hey! Focus! This is about Tony!

I wonder how many not-unattractive 47 year old women Tony “notices.”

“The worst players are likely to be the biggest assholes.”

god men are so sensitive

I skimmed over that part because it was making me ragey.

Maybe we as a society should stop upholding marriage as the absolute thing you must do or you are worthless slime. People would probably not marry out of desperation to be coupled with someone, ANYONE, if that were the case.

THEY ALSO DOG-WASHED IT

Duh.