I'd never put on a hideous sweater unless I wanted to be drugged and raped.

*Rips Bill Cosby mask off to reveal…BILL COSBY!*

Maybe if the confederate flag were a black guy we'd treat it more fairly.

What was he doing alone with himself? Why isn't anyone asking this question?

That was reactionary on my part. Honestly, i'd hate to see him go out on his own terms. Fuck him. May his demise be long and painful.

He finally killed himself! Hooray!

She's not even that slutty. She just doesn't use birth control. Why, Bristol Palin has turned me down on two non-consecutive occasions.

That Weremoose impregnated my daughter!

Not as odd as Marco Rubio's "love" of Wu-Tang.

He's trying every drug in an attempt to cure his Weeziness. So far Codeine has been most effective.

You're thinking of American Gladiators.

I always remember because he looks like a pizza flavored cheese stuffed pretzel.

Totally emotionless to skin colors that are dark.

Tell me…do you stream?

The longer you stare at it the more disorienting it becomes. It's like one of The Penguin's umbrellas.

At least Mick would earn his long sought after merit badge in campfire building.

You could have even stocked them with fancy goldfish and come out ahead. Major blunder on your part.

It's pretty much the only action she gets. He's truly doing The Lord's work.

You can't look down on someone who went to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College. I mean, that's just physics.

Stop being so helpful! How am I supposed to complain about things if you keep offering reasonable explanations?