Perfect and apt.

So sorry that your "issue we have dealt with privately" ended up becoming public, Dick. Maybe that'll make you think harder about being part of an administration that made public policy out of obstructing people's private lives.

Really, tho.

Seriously. Bowie should win this one today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and another day.

That is the maddest David Mitchell laugh I've ever seen, and I've seen a few. You get the points:

Is Don Cheadle's avatar a Derren Brown painting? Just when I thought it would be impossible to love Don more.

I was really hoping that dick pic would be addressed in this post. She basically got away with it because it was at that time when Azealia Banks was pissing a lot of people off with her Twitter feuds, but it's caused me to side-eye Allen ever since.

Mrs. Terry Richardson: gold. Richardson coddlers should be shamed about it as often as possible.

I remember back in the sunny, patriotic, Tony Blair-infatuated Britpop days of the mid-90s, Luke Haines managed to completely tank his career by releasing a Christmas single called 'Unsolved Child Murder', recording a song where he fantasised about blowing up Britpop hangouts and capping it all with Baader Meinhof, a…

Hang on, what's Sarah got against Scrooge? He was a noble producer who closed his doors and said "Enough!" to all those moochers asking for a handout - until, in the book's tragic ending, the Ghost of Big Government forced him to share the fruits of his labours with people who couldn't earn an honest wage from the…

Conversely: wouldn't it be great if Marina Abramovic managed a football club? The matches would never be televised because all the players would be naked, but it would be amazing.

Ooo, I didn't see that one. Maybe if she gets the role I'll rent it to see what she's like.

You're not alone. I think the idea that people will stop posting horrible shit on the internet once it's under their real name is dangerously naive; some people post horrible shit because the medium is impersonal enough to make them feel like they're not talking to a real person, and reprimanding them only increases…

Hang on, she used to date Henry Cavill? That's another of those brilliant celebrity couples where you have no idea who to envy the most.

I've grown to like Kurylenko (I really believe history will vindicate To the Wonder as a great film) and Yung was watchable enough in her tiny role in TGWTDT, but none of them scream Wonder Woman to me. They're all a bit... willowy? Like, less of an Amazon, more of a minor tributary to the Humber? (It's a river…

He's such a Miranda!

She was a terrible movie star, but she's not bad at character acting. I liked her side roles in Birth, Wild Side and Cedar Rapids.

Hell, I think every line Schaal had on 30 Rock was gold. "Like the doctor said after my hepatitis B test - you got it, sweetheart!" "I forgot how you take your coffee - mouth or enema?" "One day I went to work without a bra and was ruthlessly sexually harassed until I put a shirt on" "The male gaze? Yeah, they're…