Totally! Who knew Rob Schneider had that kind of dramatic range?

I actually wrote fapping there, but Apple's spellcheck is excruciating.

If Taylor Swift's next album was called Warbling About Fornication, I would be a fan forever. Also if the cover was a hologram of that gif that flapped its hands as you tilted it.

For a moment there I thought you were going to say "To be fair, it was St. Paul who said it was holy to use a massive mess of different fonts in one sentence". Is there anything that dude isn't responsible for?

"It's true - they say the Evil One loves tapping" (Leela, paraphrased)

I keep hearing rumours about Sam Raimi, and the teenage Evil Dead fanboy in me gets all gloomy.

Oh man, you're right! That makes it even better, like someone went to put it over the elephant's mouth and was like, "Shit, didn't notice those things. Quit while you're ahead."

You misspelled "diabeetus" there.

It looks like the elephant is talking for her. David Lynch could make an amazing short out of that.

Jokes where the implicit punchline is "But of course I'm not a bigot; you know full well I'm a total sweetie!" can occasionally work with friends, who know you. They never, ever work with the general public, because why should we believe you're an OK guy? Because you said so in an interview? OK.

I kind of feel good that there's a place on the internet where you can go if you search for "Thom Yorke dolphin humping". I'm just not sure I ever wanted to actually see it.

Okay, so she grew up in a time of segregation and racial conflict. She was, what, 17, 16 when the Civil Rights Act was signed? You'd kind of hope someone would have grown up a bit since they were that age.

I see what you mean, but at the same time he became famous around, what, 15? 14? Since then he's been surrounded by a coterie of people whose only job is to tell him how amazing and brilliant he is. You can't mature in an environment like that. He's like the emotional equivalent of those Soviet gymnasts they used…

Gohmert definitely is - he's the king of logic-torturing conspiracy theories. My favourite was how Obama was only starting foreign wars so he could kill all of America's soldiers and replace them with a personal army of Obamacare volunteers. Yes, this is something that someone has once said.

Paying her employees in beer? I'm expecting a clueless Anne Rice-style post from Amanda Palmer any minute.

Jim Carrey: sincerely upset that children were killed with guns before he could kill them with shitty vaccine misinformation.

Oh man, I never noticed that little confused frown he gives after Malcolm Tucker's last line. I cracked up all over again.

What in the fucking fuck? How does that even exist?

"Just because you're a good actor doesn't mean you can direct as well."

Dead Man is an absolutely amazing film. Oh Johnny, you used to be wonderful.