Are you suggesting cats have the mental acumen to differentiate between an enjoyable or unfulfilling existence?

When the intrepid surgeon who kept you breathing on this mortal coil, despite what was surely a foolish self-inflicted injury someone of your wit and caliber often causes upon themselves, did our overkind medical professional accidentally refasten your digestive tract backwards, so that you are incapable of anything…

Parody, sir, requires a humorous exaggeration of someone, I fear.

I must, unfortunately, assume your comment were not reliable with your dismal body of work upon the Gawker Media websites.

You're swell, my good man. Do not let the waves of one day ruin the calm of another!

Heroes are the wellspring from which the tree of society springs from. A kicker knowing his limits. The Christmas Truce in the trenches. Socrates gallantly taking the hemlock upon himself. And, most recently, the fine gentleman in economy class, who took the blame for a quiet fart gently escaping my arse.

I mean this with full sincerity- nay, even heartfelt care.

And in addendum, this cantankerous Kinja beast apparently holds no respect for my ability to form eloquent sentences on my own. It has, to my chagrin, changed the word "sway" in my previous post to "away," which is highly disconcerting in regards to technology. I am hopeful you translated my sentiments accordingly.

Many, many thanks again to you, fine fellow. May the candle of truth hold away against the dark tides of ignorance!

Do not allow these words to slip off the leathery, cynical skin you most assuredly don daily.

I haven't heard of said person Chid, if it isn't just another infantile hoax of yours.

Your "humor" is becoming lost upon me. I shall look for assistance elsewhere.

Mayhaps I spoke too soon. Your computer must have a virus embedded within it's inner workings- it seems the link you attached has been overrun by a suspicious site of some kind, which is of little doubt malicious in nature.

My greatest thanks for your assistance!

Greetings, Deadspin readers.

You folks seem like you understand the inner workings of this site and it's authors. Does anyone here know how to reach Mr. Drew Magary about a piece I was supposed to publish under his discretion?

You folks seem like you understand the inner workings of this site and it's authors. Does anyone here know how to reach Mr. Drew Magary about a piece I was supposed to publish under his discretion?

You folks seem like you understand the inner workings of this site and it's authors. Does anyone here know how to reach Mr. Drew Magary about a piece I was supposed to publish under his discretion?

You folks seem like you understand the inner workings of this site and it's authors. Does anyone here know how to reach Mr. Drew Magary about a piece I was supposed to publish under his discretion?

You folks seem like you understand the inner workings of this site and it's authors. Does anyone here know how to reach Mr. Drew Magary about a piece I was supposed to publish under his discretion?