Where were these bastards two months ago when I had to deal with a family of possums and the fleas they brought.

Call in a fool in Texas carrying a gun. They are going to commit a very late term abortion.

I wanted to hear Lauren Hill kill it live. My patience will be rewarded.

Can I ever get given enough money so I can pull up the ladder behind me and watch people drown from my house boat?

Them there's a lot of hi-falutin’ words.

Yuuuuuup. They sure did.

What is the double of infinity.

Your slide rule and mine should do lunch.

As a member of gen X (tm) get used to it.

Is Gary the new Kevin?

That's good stuff right there.

First dad joke is free

As a pirate, you would think my favorite letter is R, but I love the sea.

The only reason cops are in schools is oppression and racism.

I wish I could love this community action more.

And that is customer support in a nutshell

Can I get Christian Bale yelling at me on set in a bat suit?

We'll find out. This doesn't get wrapped up in an hour.

Of the state. I knew a guy that got 97% on the LSAT high as shit on mushrooms.