Brett Kavanaugh handed down the traditional oath to Ben Bone:

a sea of salty, pork rind-flavored hillbilly tears

On August 1, I felt like they’d be a comfortable last in the division.

We don’t want to hear about what he’s done in the past—we want to know what he plans on doing in the future.”

In related news: WE ALL KNEW ALREADY BUDDY! ALL YOU CONVERSIONERS ARE GAY!!

OOOOOH LALA FOR CAN-TON-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

And the world yawns...Leslie Jones was always a bit out of her element on SNL and was going to use it as a stepping stone.

I look at that skeletor face and I get it.

THAT’S SOOOOOOOOO LOPPY!!

What a Dumb Schmittle

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When are you going to give CEO Borgeson’s first name??

what is this grey stuff on my words?

Dealership is lying.

I guess he was blindsided because he doesn’t understand numbers. His stats from his last game are atrocious!

“he believes his relatively abrupt exits from Oklahoma City and Houston were about more than basketball.”

I said it right when Deadspin and everyone else started their Jon Gruden sucks coverage:

So LeBron is going to make Lavar Ball look timid.

He just needs to whoop his accountant into shape.

And your headrest????????