Hector Elizondo starred in the short-lived hospital drama Chicago Hope. Elizondo also starred as Ed "straight arrow" Genarro in Necessary Roughness. This weekend 82 people died in Chicago, but not from straight arrows , but from bullets.

"Michael Jordan, widely considered the best shooting guard in NBA history, called Chicago home during the majority of his professional career. But even he couldn't make 16 shots, unlike the gunmen who snuffed out the life of 16 Chicagoans this weekend. Oh, wait, he made 16 shots all the time? Oh, well, I don't watch…

On Valentine's Day, 1929, somewhere in the north side of Chicago, Al Capone had seven rivals shot to death. But ol' Scarface and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre—now 85 years in the past— seem dated, as, on a different holiday, at the opposite end of his town, over the 4th of July weekend of this year, an impressive…

On the show Family Matters, the Steve Urkel would often ask "Did I do that?" For 82 Chicagoans this week, the answer was tragically "yes." Assuming that by "that" Urkel meant "get shot," because that's what happened to those Chicagoans. They got shot.

Well the souh side of Chicago is the baddest part of town, and if you go down there you'd better just beware of... Fuck, damn near everybody, unless you want to be like the 82 people shot last weekend. Bad Bad Leroy Brown seems like kind of a wuss now, huh?

In "The Blues Brothers", a movie synonymous with Chicago, Elwood Blues always said, "We're on a mission from God", unfortunately for 16 people, their mission is sadly over.

Ashton upon getting the invite:

this was far funnier than the response you received

Ah! See, I figured that if anyone would be calling themselves The Mineshaft it would be the Chileans.

This comment thread is dedicated to The Ramones. The last surviving Ramone, Tommy, died today. All four of them were responsible for one of my favorite scenes on The Simpsons (holy shit has that show been on for too damn long). Forgive the video, I can't find an animated version of this scene that isn't just the song,…

Team Richard Simmons?

No, the Rockets got what they deserved for signing the human shitstain that is Dwight Howard.

Pat Riley's text message to Daryl Morey

Man the game is unfair sometimes. The Cavs get rewarded after the way they ran their franchise for the past four years, while the Rockets get screwed after the way they ran their franchise for the past four years.

Brazil's asylum process consists of a single question:

@aaronjmac:

Lasso: "How many countries are in this country?"