How come cucumbers implies land-cucumbers?!?! You are just part of the land based elite using language to subjugate oppressed aquatic species!

“Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping”

“Keep that p***y tight while I’m gone.”

Friday my bf and I went to Chipotle. He always asks for extra cheese, and is similarly disappointed. Well this time the girl behind the counter took both hands, grabbed massive amounts of cheese and dumped it on the burrito. Twice. I guess I looked surprised when she did it because she said "The man asked for extra…

“ Probably a better and faster way to put a stop to this behavior would be...”

Flying on a plane with your period is just irresponsible. You want to attract flying bears? Because that’s how you attract flying bears.

It is against gods natural law for a man to sit next to a woman! Please let me sit in this aluminum tube flying 5 miles up in the air at 500mph in peace!!

Frankly, I think it’s just stunningly childish and irresponsible that these people would get on airplanes without up to date Cooties vaccinations in the first place.

I hate, hate, hate this shit. $29/week is not what families on SNAP are expected to live on. SNAP stands for SUPPLEMENTAL Nutrition Assistance Program. It is meant to be a supplement to your income. If you have no income, you get the full benefit amount, which for a single person is $194/month (or $48.50 a week.)…

She didn’t shop very sensibly with her $29.

The thing is this.

Here’s Chris Pratt being all cute.

Oh, sister! I love dresses, but the fetishized cherry-print victory-roll pinup girl is just not for me...and I feel like it has become a shorthand for “acceptable fatness”.

“He’s supported legislation in the past that would ban abortion except in cases of rape, incest, or to save the mother’s life; at other points in time he’s supported bills seeking to ban abortions without exception.”

His suit says “I’m all business,” but his hair says “Nah, brah. Let’s fuck shit up.”

Oh God, the trolls are going to be out in full force on this article.

true story, i slept in until 9 today because I don’t start my new job until Monday, and my cat was on my bed hovering over me, clearly trying to figure out if I was dead yet so she can start eating me.

I mean, technically the last dude’s cum I swallowed could have been a child but no one is accusing me of being a cannibal.

Someone took an iPhone video of our vows and I'm rocking back and forth the whole time with a facial expression I'll call "MEEP."

My entire goal with my tattoos is to not look like a kid attacked me with a book of stickers.