I like my own personal theory that Trump is actually a raging liberal and is trolling the whole GOP.

I’m in America and I won’t shame you, Tommy. Unless you want me to.

I rocked the FUCK out of a bib overall mini dress plaid thing.

I don’t, really. Sometimes I’ll do it but I hate it. I’m generally very warm and skin on skin makes me claustrophobic.

THIS. Stop bringing your five year old kid to something without warning and then expect me to jump into making them feel comfortable. I mean my office. When I am working. And you should be too.

There’s a beer garden in my neighborhood where all the families go and it seems to be a great spot. Kids get to run around, there are games, parents get a fenced in place where they can be out enjoying a beer without worrying they are pissing someone off.

Remember when she giggled with glee about her dress moving? That’s when I had to avert my eyes in second hand embarrassment.

I turn 35 in two weeks and the thought of having an 11 year old just made my heart race.

Having grown up in Long Beach, this is likely EXACTLY the guy who Cammie was going to marry one day.

Dannnng dude. I’m at least average. I just don’t place value in people’s outward appearances, thus, not jealous of Tay Tay because she’s conventionally beautiful. Mostly I just think Kanye has never really done anything to deserve wrath, and Taylor is a 14 yr old mean girl pretending to be a feminist champion.

Thanks for checking in Karlie.

But he called her book smart and said she could finish later. I don’t see the problem here.

I bombed like a motherfucker last week at my job. Like tears in private at the end of the night bomb, whatthefuckjusthappened bomb. Reading this made me start shallow breathing all over again. The only solace is knowing how to fix almost all of it.

No she’s me.

Oh sweet baby Jesus. You win.

My dad was my cross country coach. He would always run with us. Good on pops, he usually finished somewhere in the middle. However, bad on pops one day because as he rolled in to finish, he farted really loudly in front of all the cool kids and me. I was so mortified that this is still the story I think of when…

This is the lady who wears basically the same outfit everyday. So I’m going to go ahead and defend my fantasy friend here and say back up off my fake friend because she’s just being real.

That’s why I’m glad I’m average looking. I have to also be super funny and give the best blow jobs on the block in order to stay in the game.

I know his wife! SMALL world, this internet is.