I loved him always, and I will always love him. I don’t believe love is fickle. I believe when you love someone, you are allowed to love from afar. You don’t have to be with that person in order to love him.

She seems so normal though, and came from a normal background. Probably the insane amount of money she still has left and can still make feels like enough.

I’m singing DUDEFIGHTS!! to the tune of America, Fuck Yeah now. O’Malley’s video going around now about how no one on their stage mocked immigrants or wants to abolish rights of a class of Americans...that’s what made me sniffly.

They likely saw it coming. But that’s the thing about addicts. You can’t keep them from spiraling and you just hope they come out on the other side.

Reading Dirt Bag while stoned....a full three minutes on “Mumdorf? Really? Huh...”

I used to fly my cat home when I was staying for two weeks or more at the holidays. I paid the stupid fee to shove my bagged cat under my seat, until one time the person checking us in forgot to charge us. THEN I realized, at no point is anyone ever asking me for proof that I paid for my cat. So I stopped paying $125…

Only in an emergency. And it was my boss’ sink. It was either that or her floor, so...

Why did the dude never get up and throw it away?!

Russell Wilson is a pumpkin spice latte on a pumpkin patch visit day. Ciara is successful in not fucking him because it’s like fucking your brother.

I think it’s on the question asker to specify whether they need brutal honesty or if they’re just needing someone to listen. I’m lucky to have and know which friends to talk to depending on the circumstance.

I stand by this statement - if you are a girl that wants to have sex with a guy, you can have it anywhere, wherever the hell you want it.

OH MY GAWD JAY. That’s a tuner!

This. Is. Perfect.

Imagine being so good at something you love that you reach Patrick’s level of the game, and then one of the people that inspired you comes up to you in a bar and is a little bitch. That would suck.

Today is my 35th. 35 feels like a number. It’s funny how you get to a point and from then on it’s....welp, not dead!

I had sex on the steps of a church. It was night. But still.

Ugh. Fucking gross.

I had boys and men calling me Dolly Parton at age 8. It fucked me up pretty well.

I think I’m going to bookmark Jimmy and Justin dancing. I love this more than my cat.

Geico caveman career change?