Don’t take it personnel 

More like weecock, AMIRITE?

I can’t believe you blackballed Colin Kaepernick from this comment.

I know a lot of people are going to take satisfaction and glee from this because of Marchand’s previous actions. But keep in mind.... just kidding, fuck that guy.

Ron Swanson:“There’s been a mistake. You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.”

See here’s the problem with the last meal scenario.

Bike riders are easily the worst. Fuck those clowns n their Lance Armstrong cosplay outfits all bombing down the rail trail at a whopping 15 mph like they’re training for the Tour so they can go to the craft brewery later and sit around in their too-tight shorts trading Strava readings while complaining that the IPA…

You mean this shirt?

not the... Brad-Marchand-in-a-scrum kind, but the licking kind

You also need to never, ever wear those same clothes to the office again. Sure, you didn’t shit on your shirt (or I hope to god you didn’t) but you don’t want people to think “Oh yeah, that’s the purple-and-yellow shirt Dave shat himself in. Ol’ Dave’s shittin’ shirt. God, that guy, just shitting himself all the time…

Cold onions generate fewer fumes when they’re sliced.

Gord Dwyer is the most Canadian Referee name ever.

I mean... technically, the guy was getting a filling.

Let’s hope Rockies / A’s happens and we can watch it all burn down.

Oregon is very diverse.

Barry, Meg, if you’re getting that evil in Word, you can find
^p^p
and replace it with
^p
to get rid of the extra graph breaks. 

Two years ago I saw at least two people wearing Darren Sharper jerseys. One of them was a woman.

Paying Andrew Norwell that much money is like hiring the Queen’s Guard to patrol an empty house.

Well starting fresh in Vegas does have a history of working!  

Jim makes a very good case regarding Kroenke’s postseason record in the States, but Arsenal are undefeated in the EPL postseason under his ownership. That has to count for something.