I’ve had my car broken into for the change in the console, but at least those pennies had actual value compared to the Bear’s playbook.

Please remember this when the pee tape surfaces. Please.

If you just play the audio, this is a pretty good real-time masquerade of my lovemaking routine

Oh man, you’re about to hear from a bunch of people who totally have black friends.

Jeebus, don’t any of these guys know that isn’t how you’re supposed to behave in a workplace? You’re supposed to read Deadspin at your desk while quietly wondering what your life would have been like if you hadn’t gone to a party school.

Harrison Ford was born in the 40s. That makes him a boomer. Ehrenreich is playing a younger version of Solo, and was born in ‘89. That makes him a millennial. So to be clear - It’s Millennial Harrison Ford’s Falcon.

“...and I’d really like to thank my son.”

Said in Tommy Wiseau voice “I Canaan look at the injury more than once. I Canaan. I canaan. Oh hai Mark!”

Maybe he just wanted to tell them that their free throw percentage is nice

If you’re having trouble figuring out how Love eased tensions and unified the team, look no further than the Bible.

You know what else builds character? Criminal charges for assault.

I’m just here to comment on this guy wearing cuff links the wrong way.

Austin Rivers is the Clippy of basketball players. He’s clearly trying to help, but even at his best, he’s annoying as all fuck.

I have Hugh Freeze coming in first and the Brazilian Handjob guys finishing 2nd and 3rd.

wow. Not a dry Mike in the building.

Go fuck yourself.

It’s okay. They can air it in the Sudan when they pass out the championship t-shirts.

So in other words. You are a dbag who is nothing like these NFL players?

It’s already tainted due to Gurriel for being a ignorant bigot.